We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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