I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
