I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize