even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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