I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize