Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
