Your face is a jimmy john
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
