how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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