so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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