i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
