So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
