he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
