genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
