Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
