you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
