My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
