I can tuck mytits in my pants
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
