i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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