You made me cry and you don't even care
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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