girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
