she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
