am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
