do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
