You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
