I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
