it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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