By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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