he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
