I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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