Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
