I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
