You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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