My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
