Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
