We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
