He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize