Who did Billy Mays play for?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
