That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
