he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
