Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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