I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize