"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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