I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
