Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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