I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
