He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
