Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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