oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
