he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
