I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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