Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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