ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
