; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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