Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
