We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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