Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
