so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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