just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You pole danced in your parka.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
