...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize