Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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