I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
