3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
