There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm at about main and main street
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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