Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
