She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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