just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
