hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
