i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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