i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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