now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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