South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
