someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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