I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
