do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
