Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
