come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
