Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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