Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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