Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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