successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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