Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
