Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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