life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize