I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
