Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
