I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
