She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
