yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Randomize
