i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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