I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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