Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
