They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
