He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
