he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
