and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
