You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
