bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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