Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
