my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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