Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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