there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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